Valentine’s Day is fast approaching, which means grocery stores are overflowing with heart-shaped confections and corny Hallmark cards. But in the therapy room, this season of romance may be less about roses and more about reckoning—especially when one partner in a committed relationship is caught in the throes of something that looks like love but moves like a fever dream. Enter limerence: the obsessive, intoxicating, all-consuming infatuation that disrupts marriages and makes bad decisions look like destiny.
Limerence isn’t just a schoolyard crush cranked up to 11; it’s a neuro-chemical hijacking that can convince an otherwise rational adult that the barista who complimented their sweater is their one true soulmate. In couples therapy—especially when one partner is deep in an affair—it’s common to hear things like, “I never felt this way before,” or, “They see me in a way my spouse never has.” But that’s the trick, isn’t it? Limerence isn’t built to last; it thrives on secrecy, novelty, and the unattainability.
Like the 1970’s & 80’s Memorex commercials that asked, Is it live, or is it Memorex?, limerence presents itself as the real thing. But in reality, it’s not. It’s seductive, convincing, and ultimately, a recording of something you wish was real.
In Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), we don’t just look at the surface-level affair or the symptoms of infatuation—we dig into the emotional architecture beneath it. Why was the primary relationship vulnerable to this outside pull? What attachment needs are being unmet? And, is there a path back to the primary relationship, or has limerence already overpowered reality? By slowing things down, and by helping couples name their fears, longings, and unmet needs, EFT allows partners to rebuild not just trust, but also the truth—the kind of deep, abiding connection that no fleeting infatuation can compete with.
If you’d like to explore the concept of limerence ahead of February 14th, this Cleveland Clinic article should be your first stop. Want more? Here’s a deep dive from a website called The Attachment Project. Limerence trended on TikTok in 2024, and this online article does a pretty good job of explaining how limerence is far more than just social media stalking.
Now on with this week’s Ohio EFT Newsletter:
How Weight Loss Drugs Can Upend A Marriage.
by Lisa Miller on February 3rd, 2025
Doctors warn about their physical side effects, but they can also have unexpected effects on intimacy.
The Secret to Raising Confident Children? Quality Time With Parents.
by Daryl Austin on February 3rd, 2025
Studies show that setting aside just 10-15 minutes a day for an engaged interaction can make a big difference.
Change Can Be Hard. Improve Your Chances Of Success With A Chain Analysis.
by Jenny Taitz on February 3rd, 2025
Understanding exactly how things go awry at a granular level will help you do better next time and help you grow.
Our Next Ohio EFT Virtual Call Is Friday, February 28th.
by Ohio EFT on February 3rd, 2025
Join us at 9:00am on the last Friday of February for our continuing online discussion about Emotionally Focused Therapy. We’ll be discussing the three different cycles couples may be navigating: the emotional cycle, the sexual cycle and the caregiving cycle. I’ll send the link out in the next edition of the newsletter.
Hope Is Possible In Every Season. Here’s How To Spark It.
by Emma Nadler on February 3rd, 2025
Allow yourself to feel, pursue connection and get creative -- these and other ways can help boost a sense of possibility.
7 Big Questions About Cancer, Answered.
by Marlene Cimons on February 3rd, 2025
Can pollution cause it? What about inflammation? And how do tumors spread? Here’s what scientists are learning about this complex disease.
How To Stop Ruminating.
by Hannah Seo on February 3rd, 2025
Stuck in a mental loop of worries and problems that seem to have no end? Here’s what you can do.
Everything You Need To Know About Testosterone Therapy.
by David Dodge on February 3rd, 2025
The treatment has become increasingly popular, especially among older men. Here is what to keep in mind if you are considering it.
The DeepSeek App Is Impressively Strange. Here’s What The Fuss Is About.
by Chris Velazco on February 3rd, 2025
The Chinese artificial intelligence model has shaken the foundations of Silicon Valley's tech giants in recent weeks. It’s clever, quirky and self-censoring — but it’s the stuff behind the scenes that really matters.
Got something you’d like to share for an upcoming newsletter?
Send it to chris@ohioeft.com.
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